Shouldn't Be Here

Black Jack stared up from his iPad to look at Hyo, who was... who knew what he was doing on the sofa across him? Meditating, perhaps.

Em had gone out for the day in an attempt to be productive at the library (or cafe, or whatever er mood dictated), while Joseph had dragged Kaiji out to his first day at work. Black Jack wondered why Hyo stuck around so long, considering he had been so vocal about only visiting.

"Are you hungry?" Black Jack asks out of courtesy, having been left to man the house. though his cooking skill peaked at boiling water for instant noodles. Hyo ignores him.

"Look, I know you're still sour about being replaced..."

"I'm not."

"... you certainly act like it."

"I don't even know why I'm here."

"E never forced you here."

"I know."

"Then...?"

"..."

Black Jack cocks his head to one side. "Is there something you want to get off your chest? Because if you're looking for the right time, now would be it."

Hyo hmph's. "... you saved er life."

"Yes... and?"

"I couldn't that for er."

"E doesn't blame you for anything."

"But knowing I'm connected to a part of er past that was grooming er?" Hyo says, staring intently at Black Jack. "The person who used my name and made me out to be like a bastion of justice, feeding poisonous ideas into er head as if those were my own ideals?"

"I told you, E still clearly cares about you."

"E was 10 years old, Kuroo!"

"That's Dr. Black Jack to you--"

"It's traumatic. I would know what trauma is like."

"I know. E was 15 when I met er. I know the pain e went through. And like I told you, E doesn't blame you for it."

"It just... it sickens me to be used for B's agenda like that. I had no agency over myself... and B made E look at me that way. B told er things I never said once in my life... E never got to know me, the actual me, and to know my existence caused her so much agony..."

"Hyo, that was B's own problem. Em doesn't think you're B."

"But e'll always remember B when e thinks of me. E had to get rid of me, Kuroo. For her own good. I'm toxic for er."

"Black Jack. And e clearly wants you here now."

"E talks to you and hardly talks to me."

"E's trying."

"Listen." Hyo rubs his temple with one gloved hand. "It pains me to know I'm directly connected to some painful memories for er. And, truthfully, even without the connection to B, I would have still been an awful rolemodel for er, much less a crush. I'm that cold-hearted sort of man women warn you from falling for. E fell for me because I needed fixing, or saw it that way. You don't. That's why you could save er."

"E knows you're a good person."

Hyo cocks an eyebrow.

"Look, E's very selective of who gets to visit the apartment," Black Jack says. "E loves a lot of people, but look at the handful e's let in here so far. And no trace of those people here."

"Maybe because e can't handle that many people."

"Because e trusts us, Hyo. E trusts you."

"... e shouldn't."

"Well, E does, whether you think so or not. Now are you hungry or not? Those noodles won't cook themselves. Beef or chicken?"

"... beef."

August 2, 2018