"You've never really tried to wrangle us together before, have you?" the doctor says, taking a good look at the new studio apartment. "I'm not even sure what you really think of us, or if you know what you're doing."
"Of course I don't know what I'm doing," Em blushes, shoving a sofabed toward a far wall while the rest of the crew file into the room. "This is... I'm just trying something out, okay?"
"It's not like you really talk to us very much."
"Look, I already stress over whether I'm just making up conversing with y'all for fun," Em says with a frown. "I mean, even if I am... in the end, I'm not hurting anybody, and it feels nice to explore my thoughts like this."
"More than just typing your thoughts straight into a diary entry?"
"... sometimes," Em mutters. "It makes me feel a little less lonely."
"... so is it roleplaying with yourself?" he asks, cocking his head to the side. "Fanfic?"
"Maybe?" Em throws eir hands up. "Look--maybe I won't talk to you for another five years after I finish this entry. But I just wanted to try something and see if it feels good, you know?"
"Even if it may be a placebo effect?"
"... hmph," Em puffs eir cheeks and fluffs up a pillow before placing it on the sofabed. "Yeah. Actually. Whatever makes me feel good. Placebos are a valid medical effect that y'all research anyway, right?"
"Mm." Black Jack tilts his head and smiles. "If that works for you, then I'll support it."
Em sighs and plops back onto the sofabed. "I wish you were real, sometimes. A lot. But then, thinking about having you go through trauma in our reality..."
"You're thinking too much again."
"Maybe." Em looks up from the floor and sees Joseph whistling at himself in the full-length mirror by the cabinet. E smiles and tries not to laugh out loud at him. Joseph was a fairly new visitor, one Em had never expected would worm his way into eir heart and occupy a space in eir list of people to turn to when e was feeling down. To be honest, the only person who ever really occupied this space was Black Jack, and even then e rarely ever talked to him. Perhaps it was a part of growing up, of getting out there, no longer confined within the four walls of eir childhood bedroom. Em never really figured it out, but e learned to cope without him.
Black Jack was fine with it. In fact he was rather proud of eir growth. But indeed, Black Jack had become so accustomed to being on his own that the arrival of a man with an eccentric personality entirely different from his own was a new reality he was not sure he could really adjust to. But if this quirky (if not egotistical) man made Em happy, then Black Jack would just have to learn how to live with him.
"Are you bringing anybody else here?" Black Jack asks, and Em raises eir head because he sounded more like a worried dad than usual. "I know it's mostly the two of us since two years ago, but I'm not sure we're all going to fit in here... and I'm not sure you really want to deal with all of us at the same time."
"Who else?" Em blinks and looks toward the kitchen, where Hyo is busy shaking his head at Joseph's attempt to cook an egg. Frankly, Hyo hadn't been around in ages--Em wasn't even sure he had even ever been in eir head at all. And Hyo didn't really want to come here, not really. He had better things to do. But somehow, Em managed to convince him to at least come over and visit, without the condition of having to stay with Black Jack and Joseph.
Frankly, Hyo was so different from the type of person Em looked up to these days. Hyo was... cold, for a lack of better word. Militant. Whatever he believes is the right thing, he'll stick to it no matter what. Even if it meant hurting other people. And this caused Em to gravitate more toward Black Jack, a man who had his principles but would still heal his enemy because of his oath as a doctor.
But, at the same time, Hyo was only sixteen years old. (Sixteen years old, and far too ripped for his age.) What did Em know at sixteen? Certainly not a lot--the thought of social justice hadn't even occured to em, even though someone e had once considered as a friend had drilled some twisted sense of justice into eir head at an early age.
So Hyo still has room to learn and grow. And, honestly, he could probably help Black Jack wrangle the likes of Joseph.
"Aren't there any ladies in here?" Joseph jests, and Em realizes the lack of said ladies and wonders that that means about em. Em was sure that at some point, at least one lady must have come and visited em here... but e couldn't think of any such memory. Maybe e was making it up to feel better about eirself? Em shook eir head and pushed eirself off of the sofabed.
"Anybody in the mood for coffee and biscuits?" Em asks.
"You know I would never turn down a good cup of coffee," Black Jack replies.
Joseph woops and asks for extra sugar and milk. Hyo shakes his head and asks for hot tea if it happens to be an option.
Truthfully, it is a bit lonely in here, even with the three of them...
"Whatever happened to that young man who used to spend time with you a while back?" Black Jack asks while Em boils water in a kettle on the stove.
"Eh?" Em blinks. "What young man?"
"The white-haired one... no, not Hyo."
"Are you talking about... Y?"
"Maybe? There was another one, that man you told me about who would keep you company but constantly make you feel bad..."
And it hits Em all at once. The whispering in eir ear, the hands on eir shoulder, the constant questioning of eir beliefs and feelings.
"He's..." Em licks eir lips thoughtfully. "He hasn't been around in a while." Maybe for the best, e thinks.
Black Jack nods quietly. "Will you be inviting Y to come with us?"
"... I don't know yet," Em whispers, watching the steam escape the kettle spout. "He's okay, but I'm not sure if I really want to bring back that part of my past with me... I'm still ashamed of a lot of things from that time."
"You were young," Black Jack replies, placing a hand on eir shoulder--and unlike T's hand, this hand is warm, comforting, securing. "You try not to act that way anymore. That is more than enough."
Em smiles. "Thank you."
July 27, 2018